


High

by Str4y



Series: Home [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood Kink, High Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Its referencing Seungmin, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Torn Lip Ring, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-25 23:53:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18712261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Str4y/pseuds/Str4y
Summary: Chan was a mistake. This was a mistake. Hyunjin knew this wasn’t good for him. Emotionally this wasn’t good. But Chan was so hot. Chan was so fucking hot he couldn’t resist him.Continuation of March.





	High

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning  
> \- heavy mentions of suicide/depression/self harm  
> Don’t read it those things are triggering to you please.
> 
> I also didn’t beta well I’m sorry. I’ve had this sitting for too long.

March. Hyunjin didn’t know that March would become his favorite month. He didn’t know that any of this would be happening. His breaths had been stolen by the Australians kisses, body tense as the older male ran his fingers up his back. March. He liked March. 

“Hyunjin,” Chan paused, voice so low and sexy that Hyunjin thought he’d bust right there, “how far this time?” Something about the way Chan’s eyes struggled to stay open and how his mouth was slacked sent shivers down Hyunjins back. God, he was so irresistibly hot right now. And while Hyunjin knew he shouldn’t, he really wanted to. 

“Do you have any pot on you?”

The question seemed to startle Chan, the elder finally focusing his eyes enough, “you want to smoke?”

“If you’re about to fuck me, definitely.” 

Chan pulled himself off of the counter with Hyunjin wrapped around him, settling him at the counter before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Much gentler than before. 

“I don’t have it on me, no. It’s in the wall.” 

Hyunjin groaned, resting his head against Chan’s shoulder with a huff, “can we go get it?” Maybe smoking with Chan was a bad idea. But if they were going to do this he honestly didn’t want his emotions to fuck it up. He wanted to be as free as possible and just enjoy something for once. 

“I’ll go get it. It’ll look weird if we both go.” Chan whispered, pulling away from Hyunjin to adjust himself, sighing into the mirror, “I’ll be right back, promise.”

Hyunjin rest his head back into the mirror, palming at himself as Chan rushed out the door. This was such a bad, stupid, terrible idea. Why did he think fucking Chan was okay? He had a stupid need to do it. He couldn’t contain himself. After a few minutes he heard the door open, eyes going wide in the fear that someone had come in while he was obviously touching himself on the sink. 

Someone had come in. But Hyunjin strangely felt relief as he saw the figure completely. “oh so you’re like seeing him, seeing him.” The chuckle that left the males lips was honestly calming. 

“Jisung, what are you doing up?” Hyunjin absently slid his hand from where it had pressed against his sweats, raking his fingers through his hair that had gotten awfully sweaty from all the making out. 

“I have class in a half hour. You realize it’s like five in the morning, right?” Jisung laughed, settling himself in front of one of the further sinks, splashing water onto his face, “are you waiting for him to come back or are you fucked out of your mind?” Jisung snorted, patting his face with the cloth he’d brought with him. 

“Ah, he’s coming back. Shit I should probably leave and go to our dorm, huh?” 

“Definitely. Please don’t fuck someone here.” Jisung rolled his eyes, tossing the rag to Hyunjin, “just don’t mess up my bed, please.”

Hyunjin couldn’t help the little smile that crossed his lips as he dabbed the cloth to his forehead, sliding himself off of the counter. His legs were wobbly but it wasn’t too bad. He’d manage to compose himself. “I would never.” He slipped the rag down at the counter near Jisung before starting out the door, ready to grab Chan as soon as he saw him. 

“Be careful, okay?” 

He couldn’t help but nibble the ring in his lip, turning back to his very worried roommate, “I will. Promise. We’re just gonna get high and fuck. It’s fine.”

Jisung seemed annoyed by the high thing, but he just nodded, taking out his toothbrush, “just don’t do anything too stupid.”

Hyunjin didn’t really want to reply. He just nodded and rushed out the door and starting down the hall. He’d run into Chan before he returned for sure, no point in waiting by the showers and being noticed by whoever else decided to wake up at such an hour. He’d rather just drag Chan along down the hall and fuck anyways. He was anticipating it now. 

Seeing those blonde curls round the corner really got to him in the best way possible. Hyunjin couldn’t help but wrap his fingertips around Chan’s wrist, tugging him into his chest as he pressed a heavy kiss to those soft lips. Nobody was in the hall. It was safe. Kissing Chan right here felt fine. Good. 

Hyunjin felt soft chuckles against his own mouth as Chan pulled away, “where are you off to?”

“My dorm. Jisungs gone. Dorm.” Hyunjin couldn’t even form sentences as he pulled Chan down the hall behind, body tense. Suddenly all he really wanted was to get high and get fucked. Forget feelings and forget how tired he was. 

Once he managed to get his door opened he dragged Chan across the room and towards his bed, shoving the man against the body pillow at his wall before climbing on top of him, locking their lips. Chan tasted so good despite his morning breath. Neither of them probably tasted all that great honestly. But Chan. Hyunjin just really liked kissing him. 

“Hey wait,” Chan spoke, digging into the pocket of his sweats to pull out the little bag with the noticeable blunts. Chan must have brought the entire bag of whatever he had left in the wall, “do you have a candle or something?” Oh. 

Hyunjin scooted himself off of Chan, brushing hair back from his face as he went to Jisungs desk. It wasn’t much but the lavender scent would conceal whatever smell it could, right? God they probably reeked the other day of pot. How hadn’t they been caught? He sighed, lighting the candle with one of Jisungs little matches before turning back to Chan. He looked completely ethereal, blonde curls over his eyes as his shirt was pulled up his stomach enough for Hyunjin to notice the definition. Fucking hell. 

“Pass me the matchbox.” Chan whispered breathlessly, outstretching his hand though not moving form the comfort of the wall. 

“Okay.” Hyunjin grabbed the box, laying it into Chan’s hand before crawling back on top of him, fingers traveling to tangle themselves in those curls as Chan quickly lit the blunt, waving out the match and setting it aside. “Where did you even buy this stuff from?”

A smirk moved across Chan’s lips as he pressed the blunt to Hyunjins lips, “would you believe me if I told you it was our lovely RA?”

Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh before taking a long drag, letting the smoke slip from his lips as he fluttered his eyes. “Unbelievable.”

“Totally.” Chan rest his hands at Hyunjins sides now, head pressed against the wall as he watched Hyunjin. Something about the way Chan’s eyes watched him was endearing. Maybe he really did like him. Maybe he was obsessed with him or something. He’d done a lot to get his attention. 

Hyunjin slid the blunt from his lips, pressing it to Chan’s lips instead as he rolled his hips a bit. If they were going to fuck he figured now was a good time. They could do both. Smoke and fuck. That’d be so hot. 

“Carried away?” Chan breathed, nails digging into Hyunjins soft hips as he exhaled smoke through his nose. Fuuuck. “Calm down a bit. Enjoy it.” Chan inhaled again before letting the blunt rest between his fingertips. “I wanna sleep with you, too.”

Hearing those words made Hyunjin even more impatient. He couldn’t help but buck his hips forwards, nibbling his lip ring. “Gimme.” He tugged the curls some, Chan scooting himself forwards some, lips pressing against Hyunjins. And thank god he still had smoke in his mouth. It filled Hyunjin blissfully. Despite how much pot he smoked he always got fuzzy after the second of third take. He was instantly wrapping both arms around Chan’s neck, hips rolling excessively against the hardened member of the elder. 

Chan cursed against his lips, wiggling a bit before taking another hit, crushing the rest against Hyunjins desk (to his discontent) before gliding his hand up Hyunjins shirt, nails digging into his own toned stomach. His hands were a little cold but they felt electric, sending shivers down Hyunjins spine. 

“Ahhh, Chan!” Hyunjin swallowed hard, pressing his hips hard into Chan’s, causing the elder to hiss. 

Then he was on his back, Chan over top of him as his hand explored up Hyunjins chest to run digits over his sensitive bud. “Hyunjin, you’re perfect.”

The words only caused Hyunjin to slip out a moan, forcing Chan’s lips down to his as his arms stay firm around his neck. This was heavenly. It had been so long since he’d had anyone. So long since he’d wanted anyone. And the high that was forming was definitely adding to the pleasure of it all. 

Within moments Chan slid his hand to pull down Hyunjins sweats and briefs, cock brushing against his stomach once it had been freed. He was so wet, too. The precum leaking from his reddened tip made him shiver. As Chan lay Hyunjins sweats he could hear the elder gasp at the sight. God he wanted Chan so badly. He was glad he was high. It made him feel so light and horny. Nothing else mattered right now. 

“You too…” hyunjin let a hand slip from around Chan’s neck, sliding into the elders sweats. Chan let out a cute little squeak in reply again, tugging his own sweats down to his knees. Hyunjin really wanted him to take them off all the way but whatever. Honestly he just wanted to get fucked into oblivion. 

“You have any condoms on you?” Chan whispered, running his hands down Hyunjins stomach again, “lube?” 

Hyunjin let out a growl as he pulled himself up, reaching over to dig through his desk, tossing a condom to Chan before rolling back onto his back, settling the small bottle of lube over his chest. “What if I didn’t?”

“Then I’d go buy some?” Chan laughed, gripping the hem of Hyunjins shirt before sliding it up over his head, sighing again at what must have been Hyunjins chest. He knew he looked good, but Chan must’ve thought he was a god or something by the way he bit his lip. “You’re so pretty,” he sighed, running his fingers along Hyunjins collarbone, taking the lube into his other hand and popping the top, “like really really pretty.”

Hyunjin knew that. He’d heard it often despite being as unapproachable as he was. He knew he was attractive. But he honestly didn’t care to hear that right now. He just wanted to get fucked. “You’re really pretty, too.” He replied quickly, arching his back at the sudden heat that pressed against his hole. Chan must’ve wanted it just as much. He was impatient, too. 

As Chan’s finger slipped into Hyunjin he couldn’t help but let out a soft murmur, hand wrapping around his own length. He felt that dizziness. Along with the pressure inside of him he knew he’d feel light as fuck. And so good. He honestly would have skipped the whole prep thing if Chan wasn’t who he was. He’d done it raw lots of times. It wasn’t a good thing at all but he hated waiting. He was so self destructive that this part always pissed him off. 

“Want me to do that?” Chan asked, leaning down to press kisses over the marks he’d left the other day, hand wrapping around Hyunjins at his length as another finger managed its way into his hole. 

“I got it.” Hyunjin breathed, moving so his legs were comfortably locked around Chan, angling himself up slightly so the elder could maneuver himself easily. “Unless you want me to do you instead?” It was an interesting thought. Touching Chan’s twitching dick. But he honestly wanted to get himself worked up. Maybe it was a little selfish. 

“No that’s okay. I’ll come too fast if you do that.” Chan breathed, adjusting his fingers to scissor against Hyunjin as his teeth tugged at the skin over his collar, tongue tracing the bone. It was so nice. It felt like heaven at his flesh. Chan was heaven. 

After a few long, drawn out moans and soft whimpers Hyunjin felt another finger enter him, quickening his pace at his length as pleasure overwhelmed his senses. Not only was he dizzy as fuck from his high, but whatever Chan’s fingers were doing down there was driving him insane. He had to have hit his prostate by now. Definitely. But his mind was foggy. Chan’s lips were all he could feel over his skin for some reason. Hyunjins eyes shut, soft whimpers leaving his throat. And that was fine. Honestly. It was fine. 

He felt a sudden emptiness. Chan must’ve pulled his fingers out. Hyunjin let his eyes flutter opened, Chan’s own eyes half lidded with this extremely hot fucked out expression, lips slightly parted and hair sticking to his cheeks. He looked like a fucking god. A god that Hyunjin was about to be plowed by. He felt so lucky for once. Fuck, he could live for Chan. 

“Is this alright?” Chan asked, taking more of the lube from the tiny bottle, coating the condom at his length with a whimpered sigh, face contorting in pleasure. 

“Yes. Yes. Yes.” Hyunjin softly chanted, rising his hips against the elder. He didn’t think he’d be so needy, but there he was, begging for Chan. Begging for him to fuck the shit out of him. 

Chan couldn’t help his little laugh, Hyunjin assumed. His dimple proudly displayed at his cheek as he rubbed his tip to Hyunjins hole. He really needed him to come on. His high needed Chan to hurry. So Hyunjin grabbed the back of the man’s neck, crashing their lips together. All he felt was teeth and tongue. Which was so fucking fine. He loved every second of Chan’s taste. God. 

And then he felt the slight sensation from below. Thank god for pot. It just felt a little tingly as Chan entered him, giving slight thrusts to press himself as far as he could. Hyunjins mind was going wild. Not only did he feel light as fuck, but heavy all at the same time. It was an interesting feeling. He really was enjoying this. He was so glad he didn’t turn Chan away and decided to forgive him. He needed Chan’s cock. Definitely. 

“Hnnn—“ Chan was moaning so heavily against Hyunjins mouth. He probably wasn’t as high out of his mind as Hyunjin was. He probably smoked way more than Hyunjin did. He couldn’t contain himself like Hyunjin could, and Jesus Christ that was hot. 

“Fuck…” hyunjin whispered against lips, Chan nibbling his bottom lip as hands ran up Hyunjins chest and collar. Within a few seconds Hyunjin was a moaning mess, Chan’s sinful hips pounding into him and Jesus fucking Christ everyone could probably hear. Fuck who cares. He didn’t give a shit. It felt so amazing. So captivatingly amazing that nobody else fucking mattered. Just Chan. Chan. Chan. 

“Hyunjin oh my god—“ Chan whispered against his lips, another sensation spreading through Hyunjin as Chan finally wrapped his hand around the length that had been ignored so fucking hard. “I’m gonna lose it.” Chan’s voice was cracking. It was so cute. He’d just started and now he was ready to come. 

“Don’t you dare!” Hyunjin warned, sucking at Chan’s bottom lip, rolling his hips against Chan’s, making sure he was hitting him in all the right places, “don’t come yet. I’ll fucking kill you!” Hyunjin didn’t mean to be so loud.

“I-okay—“ Chan shuddered, easing his pace some, squeezing his hand around Hyunjins length some. Chan was being so careful and precise with his thrusts now, pulling himself up to get a better angle, hand traveling to Hyunjins hips. Hyunjin kind of wished he could feel him completely through his high, but this was good enough. He fucking loved this.

The coils in Hyunjins stomach were wild. Everything was so hot and his breaths began to falter. It wouldn’t matter if he died right here, right now. He was in heaven. Chan’s body was his fucking casket. He wanted to be consumed. 

Hyunjin gasped then, mouth wide as long moans escaped his throat. He could feel himself releasing onto his stomach despite Chan’s grip. Maybe it wasn’t even that tight. Maybe his high had tricked him. “Look who’s coming now.” Chan whispered, keeping his pace as his free hand ran up and down Hyunjins hip. 

“K-kiss me.” Hyunjin didn’t know his voice had gotten so needy. But it seemed to do the trick. Chan leaned back in, mouth releasing pretty breathy moans before pressing their mouths together again. Again, the taste. Everything about Chan was delicious. Hyunjin needed so much more of him. “Chan!” Hyunjin gasped against the kisses, the elder slamming himself against his prostate. God. “Dont Stop!”

Chan didn’t stop. Chan adjusted himself again, hips slamming hard into Hyunjin as he grabbed a hold of his lip ring with his teeth, tugging a little too roughly. But Hyunjin didn’t mind. He felt wild. Happy. High. Very high. 

Within seconds Chan was coming, back arching back as he tossed his head, blonde curls glistening in sweat. Even though the condom was preventing Hyunjin from feeling the cum fill him, he could still imagine it. Chan’s cum splashing around his walls. He could definitely imagine it. 

“Oh shit—“ Chan sounded a little off. Hyunjin wasn’t sure why but he couldn’t focus. Not yet. He was so consumed in himself right now. 

Hyunjin sigh pleasantly, eyes fluttering as he tried to focus himself on the man over him. It took him a moment but he finally realized why Chan sounded so panicked. As his vision adjusted he could see blood trickling down the side of Chan’s mouth. Fuck, if that wasn’t the single most attractive thing he’d ever seen. The red splashed against white skin. 

“I think—oh man.” Chan brought his hand to cup Hyunjins jaw, thumb sliding along his bottom lip, “I think I ripped it…” Chan’s voice was filled with concern as he pressed his thumb against the ring. 

It didn’t hurt. If it did Hyunjin couldn’t focus on it. He wondered how bad it was in a way. But mostly, he didn’t care. The ring was still in his lip and Chan looked so hot right now with his blood at his mouth. “It’s okay.” Hyunjin breathed, hands reaching to either side of Chan’s face. He was so light. “Come kiss me.”

“But you’re bleeding—“

“Is it gross?”

Chan paused a little too long before diving back down into Hyunjin, noses brushing along each other as his fingertips splay over Hyunjins stomach now, “not really…does it hurt?”

“Not at all.” Hyunjin sighed, eyes half-lidded as he studied Chan’s expression, “maybe a bit. Can you suck it better for me?” What the fuck was he saying. 

Again, chan paused. This time he seemed less concerned and more aroused. The elder took Hyunjins lip carefully, managing to slip the ring from hyunjins lip, laying at at the desk. Oh. That was a little painful. He felt it that time for sure. “Are you sure?” Chan asked again, running his finger along the tender lip. Maybe Chan had ripped it more than he thought. 

“I’m positive.” 

It hurt. There was a definite sting as Chan latched onto his abused lip, sucking painfully at the spot that had been torn. He could feel discomfort where his piercing was, but it felt so good at the same time. He was honestly surprised Chan was doing this for him. It felt insanely pleasing. 

Chan’s tongue ran along Hyunjins bottom lip as he made those faint slurping sounds. Hyunjin must been bleeding more than he’d thought. “Chan—“ the elder pulled up immediately, the corner of his mouth and bottom lip stained with a dark crimson color. Fucking Christ. “Kiss me.”

Chan quickly obliged, grabbing the side of Hyunjins face as his tongue swirled around the inside of his mouth. He hadn’t noticed that Chan was laying over him completely. It was warm and Chan wasn’t as heavy as he feared at all. It was so comfortable. Chan was comfortable. 

“Hyunjin, are you okay?” 

That was a loaded question for someone who was clearly high as fuck. But Hyunjin knew it was best to reply. If he left Chan hanging it would only hurt him in the future. The last thing Hyunjin wanted was to deal with this longer. “I’m good. Just tired.”

“We should go wash up, yeah?” Chan has pulled on a pair of Hyunjins sweatpants, fingers carding through his sweaty mess of hair, “can you get up?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes before rolling himself over onto his stomach, forcing himself out of the bed. He felt stiff but moving was manageable. Yeah he hurt but he could deal. Chan had been pretty soft with him anyways. “Yeah let’s just go.”

Chan pulled a face, pulling himself upright in the bed, eyes stuck on Hyunjins form, “this was a bad idea, wasn’t it?”

Hyunjin didn’t want to hear that right now. Was it a bad idea? Probably. Most likely. But he didn’t wanna deal with that. 

“Let’s go I’m all sticky.” He complained, holding out a hand to the disheveled blonde at the bed. 

Chan didn’t take his hand. And that was really fucking annoying. 

“Chan can we go or what?”

“This was a mistake—“

For fuck sake. 

Hyunjin was back at the bed, legs at either side of Chan’s face as he slammed his lips back against the blondes. Chan seemed taken aback at first but soon his tongue was inside Hyunjins mouth again. Mistake his ass. This wasn’t a mistake. Shut up Chan. 

It ended too fast. Chan pulled away, head against the wall as his lips stay parted prettily, eyes half-lidded as he released those beautiful breaths, “Hyunjin…”

“Shut up. It wasn’t a mistake.” Hyunjin growled back, digging his fingers through the man’s hair, “stop saying it was a mistake.”

“It’s just—“

“Shut up!” Hyunjin didn’t want to sound so loud. But he knew he was. He was yelling. He knew he was yelling. “Don’t say that it was a mistake! Don’t tell me I’m a mistake, Seungmin!” He said too much. He worded it too clearly. He felt so stupid suddenly and his stomach began to ache. He felt like collapsing. What the fuck was he doing? Yeah he was high but not enough to say that. What the fuck. 

Chan didn’t speak. He just nodded, the feeling of warm hands at Hyunjins hips causing him to shudder. Fuck fuck fuck. 

“Hyunjin, let’s go wash up. It wasn’t a mistake, okay?”

He fucked up. He suddenly felt so much heavier. And though his mind was clouded he suddenly understood too much. He fucked up.

“Chan I didn’t—“

“It’s okay.” Chan’s dimple was back. For what reason? Hyunjin had just called him Seungmin and he sounded like a fucking idiot. “We’ll talk when you sober up, okay? I’m sorry for stressing you out.”

Chan was circling Hyunjins hips. He was so calm despite Hyunjins outburst. What the hell...Chan was too calm. Too calm. 

But soon he found himself in the shower with Chan, the elder running his fingers down Hyunjins back. It was too calm. Too nice. Chan shouldn’t have still been there with him, but there he was. 

And then they were back in Hyunjins dorm, sitting at the bare bed stripped of its sheets. Everything was getting clearer. Slowly but surely he’d start to function normally. He’d start to remember and realize how fucking stupid he was. 

“Hyunjin—“

“I’m so sorry,” Hyunjin spat, running his fingers through wet hair, “I really didn’t mean to call you Seungmin. I just…” he couldn’t even finish. He just swallowed hard and rest back into his body pillow. Despite the high wearing off he still felt way too fuzzy and unfocused. 

“Don’t apologize...you told me what happened to him.” Chan took Hyunjins hand into his own, thumb running along his knuckles, “did you want to talk about it?”

Hyunjin wasn’t sure. Talking about it wouldn’t be good, right? It took him so long to get over what had happened — sort of. Had he really ever gotten over it? 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjins breaths were shaky as he pulled Chan down some, moving to rest into the elders chest. He really didn’t want to look at Chan while he talked about this. Not at all. “We were best friends for sure.”

There was a pause. Good. Chan was listening. 

“Seungmin was my everything. There was a time where I wasn’t like this…,” he sighed, nuzzling into Chan’s chest more, feeling the elders hands in his hair now, “I loved him a lot. It started off platonic with us but...I fucked up.” Hyunjin could feel his chest tightening, breaths shallow, “he ended up falling hard for me. Like in a way I wasn’t feeling. He was my best friend—I just didn’t see him that way. He’d been suicidal for years. I didn’t think that he would—“ he stopped, head spinning. He just wanted to die. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to continue. I understand.” Chan’s voice was small. Like maybe he’d cry too. Maybe Chan had a heart after all. 

“No—I should.” Hyunjin brought a hand to his face, hissing at the way the salt at his palm stung against his stressed eyes, “he confessed to me days before the incident. I didn’t think he was serious. I just laughed it off like an idiot and—I called him a mistake. Like, for what reason? He confessed and I just teased him and called him an idiot. I literally sat there with him at school and said he was a mistake, his brain was fucked. I’m so fucking stupid.” Hyunjin felt so unsteady. 

“He,” He hiccuped, biting at his torn lip, “he killed himself because I called him a mistake. I didn’t realize it at first but...god a week later and two days after trying in my bathtub he was gone. I didn’t even take the bathtub seriously. I panicked but like after he said he was okay and laughed it off with me. For some fucked reason I didn’t think anything of it. Who does that!? Who doesn’t care more about their friend trying to literally die!?”

Chan pressed kisses against Hyunjins hair, rocking him in his arms fondly. Too fondly. He was too sweet. Too kind. Chan was too—he wasn’t sure. 

“I miss him…”

“Do you think that’s why you’re punishing yourself so hard?” Chan finally spoke, arms locking around Hyunjins back, “because of that?”

“Maybe?” Hyunjin pulled himself up some, burying his face into Chan’s neck instead, “i don’t think I have a real reason. I just want to die a lot of the time.”

“Seungmin wouldn’t want that. You can’t blame yourself for what he did.” Chan swallowed, “seungmin had been like that awhile, right?”

“But I pushed him to the edge. It’s my f—“

“No it’s not,” Chan cooed, kisses continuing at his hair, “what happened wasn’t your fault at all, Hyunjin. He was sick. He needed help...you were both too young to understand. He joked about it too, didn’t he?”

Hyunjin nodded, eyes heavier than his heart. 

“It was beyond you. Don’t blame yourself for your friends passing. You could’ve started dating him and it may have been the same. You teasing him didn’t cause him to kill himself.”

Hyunjin wasn’t sure he believed that. Chan was talking out of his ass again or something. This was too heavy. 

“I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid but...don’t blame yourself. Please.”

“I won’t.” Hyunjin hiccuped, pulling himself up to look clearly at the blonde, “it was just a slip. The mistake thing...It wasn’t a mistake. I wanna do it again. And again. It wasn’t a mistake.”

“I know it wasn’t...I just felt like I took advantage of your pain—I’m sorry.” Chan whispered back. Good. He was dropping it. Good. 

“Let’s just not talk about it anymore, please? I just want to kiss you again.” Hyunjin wasn’t sure he wanted anything right now. But Chan was available. And that was good enough for him. 

0325.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it’s short I lost interest in writing much else with it. At least it’s finally done and I can REST. Yw for the open end. Anything’s possible. Maybe they work out. Maybe Hyunjin kills himself. I unno.
> 
> Twt: minhodipitous  
> Cc: str4y


End file.
